THE STORY WITHIN

There is often this continuous noise in my head. It speaks to me, distracts me, doesn't follow me, and sometimes, actually most of the times wins over my decisions which are always true to myself. It defends itself saying its never wrong, well I agree to it too. It's true to me even though my words or my other parts tend to lie. I know it within. It keeps itself in traps yet it speaks to me whenever my feelings and my words seem to be derailed.

"What actually do you want from me?" I asked. Annoyed with its interruption in almost everything I do. It was putting me in some blanks where I was cursing myself to even let this noise breathe in me. As usual, it never listened to me. At times it feels like the other person can vividly hear it speak the truth.

"I don't want anything from you" it replied as I sighed.

It didn't want anything, yet it's always this excited to throw me at dead ends whenever there is this delicate topic I want to avoid,

"Then? Is there something you want for me? Anything you want me to do?" I asked again.

Fortunately yes there was an answer this time.

"I want you to move on, but look at you." it gave me that victorious smile as though my hideous act was put out naked for the world around me,

"I did move on, I didn't chase him you can see that clearly right?" I queried him this time,

"Yes you didn't chase him any longer but can't you yourself see of how your heart still behaves like an erratic person the moment you see his name flashing up?" it said,

"Ah, that"

"That's what I call as still hooked on there. Your words don't match your five senses which gets stupid the moment there is anything related to him"

"How do you feel it?" It was weird,

"Haha....you are asking me? The one who can see everything, feel everything, the one who constantly rings up in your head? I am the one you use more than your scribble pad after all. You even argued with me when I asked you to stop, you always did that, to go against me. You even told me how he walked away and you want him back, I listened to you, asked you repeatedly not to follow him this time he leaves, but as usual, I wonder why I waste myself in making a person like you understand my thoughts which are for your good being. You told me everything starting from the first day when his gentleness made you fond of him to the day when he was over you. You tell me everything even before your heart or your brain can fight over it. You still think I need to know something else?"

"Hmm"

It was right after all. That voice was a constant in my head. It knew everything. Every little, intricate detail of my life. More than a diary or those scribbles. I fought with my inner-self seeking for help at times. I asked it quite a few times of whether to go that way or not. Before my head or my heart, it was the first one to know me. I often tried to put all those voices on paper, to some extent I succeeded but then again there is this little voice within you which still holds some stories which cannot be put up in some words or poetry. It knows all your tales. It had been the spectator to everything, starting from happy moments to emotions veiled as smiles,

"I just want you not to go on this way, stand up and move on," it said again

"But it is not that easy"

"Everything will be, just take a step ahead, but oh! I realise I am the same one who asked you to move towards him at a time, I realise that it's really tough at times to reach a conclusion"

"That's the reason this saga goes on"

"BUT..at the same time I don't want you to repeat all those steps that led you to this road. Feel free to breathe, break those bounds and be happy for yourself this time. At least listen and follow me today when you actually came to me for help"

- Said my inner voice .