The Song On Repeat

It went on. Twice, thrice, it just went on as the whirlpool of memories started to bubble up in snippets of flashes bright enough. The memories which I actually lived once with him. The same memories he forgot, while the old me still kept them tied with wraps of golden foils. Fragile are they, I fear that they might crash down to simple nothings if I fail to conserve them, and hence I believed in keeping them well. Well enough that not even a scratch could make them have a scar.

The song went on, and their lyrics seem to hold a plethora of emotions all in his name. They were somehow making some odd sense out of them and all I did was to smile. Smile again because all those moments which appeared to be like incandescent snippets of our past were something I loved the most. The series of scenes which passed through my mind was making me lose in them. I was there at the threshold of our past as I watched the "US" back then, who were happy to find each other. Who were better with together. Communicating about almost every stupid thing that existed on earth to those pieces of stuff which wasn't much of importance. I smiled watching them as I walked in and stepped forward. Another door to our memories pushed open as I saw the bickering couple we used to be. You shouting over me, and ending up feeling sorry for your actions. No matter what it had its own charm. Those taunts, frequent annoyance to me did have at least a little meaning somehow or the other way round.

The song was still on repeat and I was observing the 6-month-old journey we passed together. Millions of memories made me smile, while the song was still running for the sixth time in a row. As it started yet again I tried to open the rough door this time. It was a bit tough as I finally could open it. I stepped in this time. I was astounded to find that it wasn't bright like all those doors I just passed through. It was filled with pitched darkness all around when the flashlight fell on your face as you attacked me with your harsh and piercing words.

Words which seemed genuine to you reached my ears this time, as the old me begged in front of you asking for a little mercy. But you went on. By that time the song reached exactly in the middle but those harsh reality of our so-called blissful past attacked me harder that time. I stood there as the series of pain and the tumult of your voice hit me harder. It was then, right there when the playback stopped midway as I opened my eyes around me. There was no you, but I was breathing hard trying to sniff in your redolence. I felt like I was breathing after being choked for a prolonged period of time. I stopped the song mid-way this time. The weather outside was turning grey and soon droplets of rain made their presence over my balcony. Was it grieving with me? Am I that pitiful? I thought hard but there was just one answer,

"I no longer need to open those hard doors of reality which just leaves behind an excruciating pain which is hard to digest, too obvious to hide, too sharp to let others feel, but just easy to pour it out through the nib of my pen on crisp sheets of the diary"